Voice in the Shadows
by Dantemotions1
Summary: Sometimes in life, we aren't truly given a chance to speak our minds or our hearts. Sometimes in life, we aren't perfect as we make mistakes and others become so judgemental. Sometimes, we live with the guilt and regrets from the choices and mistakes of others. This is Sora's story of guilt and regret. Rated M for mature subjects of depression, suicide, and mental health.


I don't own Kingdom Hearts except the games. This is an AU story with mature themes and content of suicide, depression, and violence. And for a mature audience.

**Voices in the Shadows.**

He replays the memories in his mind, the moments that lead up to this point. As his world was moving around him, Sora stood still frozen in time as he laid on his bed and prepares for his farewells. There was only one thing that was coming into his mind. And has been on his mind since.

How the hell this did escalate to the point where it feels like there is no return.

He remembered when they first met.

Sora was just five years old when he moved to Destiny Islands. He was a smart, energetic, and friendly boy but has trouble making friends and being shy. That is when he met the neighbor girl next door. Red hair, pink dress, and a bubbly personality. Blue eyes meet blue eyes. Sora started to run away and try to enter the house, the door was locked of course. He then turned back to see the red head.

"Hi I'm Kairi! And you are?" She asked with a friendly smile on her face.

"I'm Sora," he said with a stuttered voice.

"Want to play together?"

Sora nodded as this girl pulled him over to play around.

Sora never realized this as he never had a friend this important before let alone a friend like her, and never will again.

**As they grew up the pair would spend more of their time together.**

Sora and Kairi would spend time at each other's houses whenever they could, hanging out at the beach, pretending to be knights and princesses, playing around the park.

One of his favorite moments. When they were kids.

"Have you ever eaten sea salt ice cream before?" Kairi asked

The brunette shook his head signaling no.

"Why not?" she replied.

"I just don't think salt should be in ice cream," he replied.

Kairi stood there in shocked and handed the boy the wonders he has forgotten into his mouth.

"Yum... So Salty, but really sweet."

They spent the rest of their day eating the sweet treat out of the fridge. And wound up having brain freeze and tummy aches for the next three days.

**Life was so blissful. But not a fairy tale.**

As they grew up more, they grew even further apart.

Kairi suddenly moved away without notice, leaving poor Sora alone. They failed to stay in contact.

Sora tried to continue on with life as best as he could, he struggled in school a lot, getting into troubles with the teachers, bullies, and with the wrong friends he made. Sora's home life isn't the best as well, his parents have really emotionally abused him to the point of mentally breaking and scars that will never heal (figuratively and literally). Sora would hear insults of being stupid, worthless, and lots of yelling for simple mistakes. Every day was a nightmare of torment and hell for not even a child deserves.

Yet there was one hope for young Sora, to be reunited with the girl that made him whole again.

Years of mental abuse has really taken a toll on Sora, as he entered high school. He's officially the loneliest kid in the island with very few friends. Everyone saw the bullying, the struggles that poor Sora had to deal with, the calls to the Principal's office, the yelling and disciple from his parents. But no one wanted to get involved, and while his few friends have tried, they gotten into trouble as well.

Then there was this thing called Mooglebook, and it allows you to connect with the people from the past. Sora just created an account and didn't know how it worked (being socially isolated did a number on his mind). He just wanted to look for his light. He wanted to talk to his only special friend in the world. He wanted to talk to Kairi.

He send Kairi a message.

"Kairi, is that you? It's me Sora."

Kairi typed in response, "Yeah I remember you! We used to know each other as kids."

We spent most of our time after school connected with each other. Kairi is currently living in a place called Radiant Gardens.

I didn't tell Kairi about my problems of bullying.

"Kairi, I love you." I written without thinking.

I think that shocked Kairi or surprised her.

"I'm sorry Sora, I already have a boyfriend."

I was shocked, surprised, and stunned.

I typed in response, "If only you were here, and given me a chance."

"I don't see you that way, I'm sorry."

After that we gotten into a fight and argued.

Her mom called me out and I tried to apologized and, but then my dumbass dad got involved and made the choice for me again.

I really screwed up, and that guilt has gotten to me ever since. What I have said, what I have done, and I lost the one person in my life.

I tried to go on with the rest of my life as best as I could. But the damage has already been done.

I went through college and graduate, but thanks to this economy, its really hard to find my way. I worked in a variety of places, but the stress and toxic coworkers along with really bad benefits and pay really took a toll onto my me. I was feeling more and more like a fake.

Working at a cafe, being hounded by my boss and customers, carrying food and beig forced to do menial tasks. For what? Being happy after my entire life was made a lie? I just had enough of this bullcrap. I heard from Kairi's mom that Kairi gotten married and I just had enough of this misery. I lost everything that I needed, my love, my life, everything.

One day, I finally snapped and left work early without telling anyone of course.

I went back to my apartment room and started writing my final letters. The last words that people who cared and for her, my ghost, my dream.

Farewell cruel world. May you do so better without me. As I took a sip of a strange but a you kind of guess liquid and started to close my eyes. And tongue kiss the grim reaper. This is how my life ends.

So long Kairi. I will miss you, and you won't miss me.

**Roxas POV**

My name is Detective Roxas Hikari, and I was with my partner Officer Xion Tremsley. We have been called to do a welfare check on my cousin Sora Hikari. As we drove to the apartment we had a conversation.

"So what's your cousin like?" asked Xion.

I responded with a deep sigh, "He's a good guy, but had a lot of problems along the way. He would not talk about them though. I know he has potential, but for some reason, he doesn't want the help. He's been hiding something and he wouldn't even tell me.

We finally entered his apartment complex. Somehow I have a bad feeling about this. I know in the pit of my stomach.

"Sora?" I asked as I knocked on the door. "It's me Roxas."

I knocked on the door again. I tried calling his cell and I heard his phone inside the room.

"Shit," I said as I prepared to break the door down. "Xion help me, something is wrong."

She nodded and we attempt to break down the door.

"Oh my gosh," Xion said as she held her hands to cover her mouth.

What we saw was like a nightmare.

We saw Sora limped to the side of the wall. A cup laid next to him with its contents spilled.

"Poison," I stated as we observed the scene.

Xion and I took a look around as we found letters and notes address to two people.

I took the letter that had my name on it. I was shaken and afraid to open it but it could contain all the answers I need to solve this case.

"I'm going to call for the coroner's office," said Xion as she got out their phone.

I took out a knife and cut the letter open.

_Dear Roxas,_

_I'm sorry so being a failure, I'm sorry for everything. All this feeling of worthlessness, this feeling of guilt, this abuse, that everything is my fault. I just want to end the pain. Thanks for being there for me, even if I was nothing more than God's greatest lie, a blank, a heartless shadow. You will find more in my personal journal entries. _

_I will lover her until the day I die. Please give her that letter. That is my final wish. As I cannot bear to give it to her myself._

_Sora_

I tried to hide the tears as I prepare to deliver my cousin's final wish. To give her that letter.

**Kairi's POV**

I felt really bad for rejecting Sora all those years ago. But I am in love with Riku, he's just so more mature and handsome, and he is really amazing at a lot of things. But what should I have done? Sora was the one who confessed to me, he is the one who started that fight. I belong with Riku, and not Sora.

As we sat in the apartment, we heard a Knock in the door. Riku went to answer it and told me to come over.

I got up and went to see a man in a police uniform.

"You're Kairi right?" He asked

"Yes," I replied with a puzzled look. "What is this all about?"

"Do you know a Sora Hikari?" He asked. "I'm his cousin Roxas, and Sora just passed away a couple hours ago."

I stood there in stunned silence, "What do you mean he passed away?"

"I mean he committed suicide," Replied Roxas trying to fight his tears as he handed me a letter addressed to me. "And he wanted me to give this to you."

He left as I stared at the letter. I need to know why Sora took his life. I grabbed a knife and started to open the letter. There was a note and a picture.

_Dear Kairi,_

_My life was miserable. Cause in life, sometimes you aren't given a chance to say what you want to say. I missed my chance in life, maybe in death you will hear me on what I have to say. Maybe in death I will be free of this pain and regret and guilt. Maybe in death, I can find some peace and happiness. No one will miss me that much anyway, I really don't think you would either._

_When we first met as kids, you brought out the best in me. Life was so perfect that I realized you were important to me. That is when I started to fall for you hard. _

_When you left me, I was being bullied, abused from a lot of people including my parents, and being the emotional punching bag, the scapegoat. Like everything was my fault. And no matter how hard I try, even when I am right or not completely at fault I still feel like this was my fault._

_But I still hoped, that you would come back and save me. That you and I would be together again. Of course that it didn't happen._

_You were nothing than a false hope to me, a false hope and a false dream. A false hope that I cling onto that we would be together again. The false hope that would save me from this nightmare._

_You hurt me. More than once. And then when I heard you gotten m- I really don't want to say that.  
Everyday I felt even more miserable. Until I found the escape that I needed. It felt like the only true choice I made. The only true choice given to me in life. Live and suffer, or die and possibly be free of pain._

_I was never given a choice or a chance at life. Not a chance to explain myself to you, your mom, or my parents. Not a chance to make friends, not a chance to defend myself. It felt like my chance and choices were taken from others or made by someone else._

_I never gotten a chance to say No. Please don't leave me. I needed you, help me._

_Because in the end, no matter what society says. I don't blame you._

_I still love you_

_Sora._

I cried in tears as I clutched onto the letter. Then Riku took the letter out of my hands and read it briefly then tore it up into little pieces.

"What a joke," Riku stated. "This guy looked like a total loser.

I was stunned in silence as tears keep falling from my eyes. I was in pain. How could Riku say that about someone he didn't know.

I collected the scraps of paper and held them to my heart.

What have I done?

It was raining when they buried Sora underneath a weeping willow tree. I wasn't personally invited as I stared off into the distance. I heard what Roxas said as he gave what do they call it? Eulogy or a speech? Behind him was a young woman with black hair trying to comfort Roxas as he gave prepared to start talking.

"Sora was a good person who had a lot of bad that had happened to him. He felt like he was robbed of happiness and opportunity. I just want to let everyone know how important he was to me. He was a person that really deserved a chance, a person with untapped potential, a person who needed help, and a person who deserved the respect that we should give to others. We cannot judge him for what he has done to himself as we cannot truly understand what he had been through, but what we can do is to try to remember that mental health and compassion are something we need to understand deeper. Farewell Sora, I will miss you dearly."

As the crowd left the scene, with most crying and holding on to each other. I went to the willow tree and grave, as I wept and cried.

"I'm so sorry Sora. This was all my fault."

It was another day, another day that I have to live with my guilt. That I had set the trigger for Sora's death. I looked at the picture of our childhood that he sent me, torn yet taped together. A picture in one hand, a bottle of whiskey in the other. Another day of missing work. I am sure I am fired by now, but that doesn't matter as my life is completely messed up.

Riku used to be so gentle, but now he seemed more abusive and even more of a jerk. I swear I hear him give me that I will be late from work again.

I kept thinking about what Sora went through for years, for a long time, being all alone, being afraid to stand up for himself and his voice, how he held on to false hope, me.

I dragged my weakened body through the rainy streets to the cemetery, with photo in hand and a knife in the pocket. I was still intoxicated and yet people did nothing to stop me, they just let me pass on through. Maybe they didn't notice due to the rain and the darkness.

I arrived as his grave. And I looked at that photo. And the moments we shared together. I

"I'm so sorry." I said as I let the tears keep falling down my face. "I will make this right."

I took the knife and started to slit my wrist, draining the blood from my veins. I was feeling faint and dizzy. It still wasn't quick enough. I then took the knife and stabbed my stomach in a seppuku fashion.

As I close my eyes and let the blood drain from my body. I wondered what Sora went through as his last moments. What were my last moments going to be? Will I see him in the next life? Will I be redeemed?

I could finally feel the life coming out of me.

"Sora, I..." and then nothing came out.

**Author note:** I just want to note that mental health issues like abuse and depression are serious issues and not to be taken likely. So if you know someone who is going through tough times. The best thing to do is to be there for them and that is the first step.

I will state that not everyone was given a first chance at life. Sometimes we need to be the person to give others a chance.

First story: Wow what a way to start it out.


End file.
